The Rehearsal

Before I knew it, I started dancing, my whole body shaking, and a look of nervousness on my face. I had practiced, but I still felt unsure and scared, even though this was just a rehearsal. Our Bharatanatyam class’s annual day was on Sunday, and naturally, we all were nervous. Though no one was as nervous as I was. Why was I so scared? It was just a rehearsal, right? I willed myself to dance, and tried hard to focus. ‘If I forget this time, on our final rehearsal,’ I thought, ‘My guru will be really angry.’ At that very moment, I lost focus and forgot what step was supposed to come next. I could see my teacher looking at me, rather glaring at me. ‘Its okay,’ I told myself. ‘Just continue.’ I went on, until I forgot again. I was starting to lose focus. I let out a soft sigh of relief when the first dance got over. ‘ Don’t get your hopes up,’ a voice inside my head said. ‘Still two more dances left’. I went inside another room where my water bottle was kept with my two friends. We sat there for a while, sipping water and discussing the mistakes we made in the dance. Someone came to us and told us that we needed to shift to another hall. We followed her, and came face to face with a fuming teacher and an anxious group of dancers.

Our teacher screamed at us for coming late, pointing at the group of waiting students, ready for the next dance. My face began turning red too, and I felt like crying. Hadn’t she screamed at us enough already? We took our places and started dancing. I didn’t think I would forget this dance; it was my favorite. To my great surprise, I did. Even though I only made a mistake once, it was a very noticeable mistake, and I could see the students behind me looking towards my direction, trying to spot out more mistakes. I kept dancing, trying to avoid looking at my teacher, and I didn’t forget anything else. Just one more dance was left. That was nothing to be happy of, though, because this dance was a dance that I made most mistakes in. The dance started, and this time, I was really, very nervous. During the first part, I forgot. During the second part, the same thing happened. This continued throughout the whole dance, and I could see smoke coming out from my guru’s ears. I was not the only one who didn’t know; more than half of the group forgot the dance in many places. After the dance was finally over, my teacher told us to go to the other room and practice that dance five times. We looked at her pleadingly, but she ignored us. Before starting with her next group, she told my friend and me that we danced very badly. What does she expect? We both had learnt it in two days because we had to go for camp and didn’t have enough time. We stormed inside the other room, frustrated, and practiced it over and over again. We went to my teacher again and she stubbornly told us to leave without touching her feet as we were supposed to do at the beginning and end of every class. Just before I stepped out of the room, she came up to me and said, “ You have to practice more. You’re standing in the front row, what will people think of me if you forget something? Don’t put my name down, that’s more important.” I stood there, stunned, as she left, trying to ignore the sting, which I felt in my heart when she said those words.

I then realized that anger, sadness and nervousness mixed together forms a very unusual feeling, a feeling that makes want to blast, like a volcano, but you’re too afraid to. We just had to move on and forget about it. Why waste all your energy crying bitterly, afraid and frustrated when you can just be happy all the time, so that others feel happy around you and don’t feel like being angry? That’s what I learnt from this small incident, a rehearsal that made me practice and practice, not worrying about what people said or thought about me. In the end, what really matters is what you think of yourself.